Read this if u are free and have no work for the next half hour.
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART I
No. It is not ‘officer’. It is ‘oppicer’. That’s the term coined by our great Goundamani in the film Indian for a guy whom the outer world perceives as kingmaker in a corporate. Remember when he salutes Senthil saying, ‘Kut Maarning Oppicer!’?
Let me give you an example. I was walking home when some kids were talking together at the street’s corner.
Kid1: (Exclaiming) Dei! Andha anna Gunfosys la vela seyyuraarda!
(Hey that elder is working in Gunfosys)
Kid2: Ennadhu Gunfosys ah!!!!!!!!!!!
(What?! Gunfosys?!)
Now I was confused as to whether they were sarcastic or genuinely appreciating my association with Gunfosys.
They started calling out my name.
Kid1: Narender anna! Nillunganna! Enga kooda cricket aadunga please!
(Narender bro! Please stop! Join us for cricket!)
Kid2: Dei! Enna nakkala? Avaru evlov periya ‘oppicer’u… Avara poi nammaloda cricket vilayada kooppudara?
(Hey are you kidding? He is a big oppicer! How dare you call him to play cricket with us?)
I quickened my pace without turning back. But one of the mischievous guys pulled me by the hand and I had no other option but to stop and join them.
Narender: Seri da! Aana seekiram aadi mudikkanum! Enakku evening veetla neraya vela irukku!
(OK. But we should wind up soon! I have work in the evening!)
Kid1: Appadi ennana vela?!
(What work bro!?)
I was caught in a trap. How can I explain to him that I will be chatting with my girlfriend? I was very careful not to corrupt their minds. I believed kids of such a small age group should not know about dating, girlfriends, committed relationships etc.
Kid2: Vidra machi! Avaru yethavathu ponnoda cell phone la kadala poduvaaru! Namakku edhukkuda indha vambu? (Looking at me) Ennana! Ethavathu figure set aacha illaya?
(Leave him dude! He will probably flirt with some girl! Why should we bother? Hey bro! Any girl till now?)
I decided not to speak after that till the match was over. As usual the team I was in lost the game and my team mates were secretly cursing my inclusion for their downfall. I reached home and saw that a guest was waiting for my arrival. It was a lady of my mother’s age.
Mother: Itho avane vanthuttane! Dei Narender, ivanga ponnu Priya kooda Gunfosys la thaan vela seyyuraalam! Nee paathu irukkiya?
(He has come! Narender, her daughter Priya is also working in Gunfosys! Have you seen her?)
Narender: Huh… Priya va? Endha Priya?
(Priya? Which Priya?)
Mother: Dei! Priya na endha Priya nu kekkura? Neeyum Gunfosys la thaan vela pakkura. Avalum Gunfosys la thaan vela paakkura. Appuram eppadi theriyaama irukkum?
(How can you ask which Priya? You are working in Gunfosys. She is also working in Gunfosys. Then how is it possible you don’t know her?)
I let out a big sigh. The guest who was apparently Priya’s mother was adding fuel to the fire.
Guest: Priya pa… Konjam tall ah iruppale…
(She will be tall)
What a description! How can I know a Priya in a corporate strength of 10000 in this division of the company alone? But I should know because she was also tall!
I couldn’t take this conversation anymore. Besides, I was tired. So I decided to play it safe and end the nonsense.
Narender: Oh! Andha Priya va! Enakku theriyume! Pona vaaram kooda food court la pathu pesunen.
(Oh! You mean that Priya? Yeah I know her. Even last week I talked to her in food court!)
Guest: Illiye pa! Ava pona maasame onsite poittale… Nee eppadi pesiyiruppa?
(That’s impossible. She went onsite last month itself. How could have you talked to her?)
My mother gave me a glaring look. This idiotic guest has arrived for the sole purpose of spoiling whatever good name I have at my home.
Guest: Athu sari pa… Nee onsite pogala?
(That’s OK. Aren’t you going onsite?)
She was persistent to humiliate me in front of my mother. Endi… Onsite la enna koopta naan endi pogama irukken? Nee enga veetta vittu pogumpothu rotla ambassador car yeri saga pora paar!
(Gladly I would have, only if I was called. May you be hit by an ambassador car on your way back home!)
Guest: Ennapa yosikkura? Pesaama company maariden!
(What are you thinking? Better switch to another company!)
Super. Ettaan class pass aagaathava ellam enna company maathiko nu strategic advice kodukkura!
(She hasn’t passed 8th standard but is giving strategic advice on switching companies)
Narender: Kandippa maaruven aunty! Seri Priya endha country poi irukka?
(Sure I will switch companies! By the way to which country has Priya left for?)
Guest: (With a big proud smile) Auz.
Narender: Auz na?
(Aus means?)
Guest: (With a sympathetic look) Australia pa!
(Australia!)
OK. Enna rumba usuppethitta. Ippo paar!
(You have crossed the threshold. Take this!)
Narender: Oh! Australia va? Usual ah Australia vukku irukkuradhulaye mattamaana resource ah thaan anuppuvaangale! En friend kooda, ‘Machi! Australiavukku onsite resource ah porathukku naakka pudingikittu saagalaam da’ nu sonnane!
(Oh! Australia? Usually unfit resources are sent there. Even my friend said that when given a choice, one would rather choose to die than go to Australia!)
Guest: (To my mother) Saringa… Naan kelamburen! (To me, with a ‘pazhivaangittiye da!’ look) Varen pa!
(OK. I will leave now. [Scornful look] See you!)
Ha ha ha… Asingapatta autokaari!!!
(Successfully humiliated her in return!)
I still cursed she should be hit by an ambassador car on her way back.
One hour later, I received an sms from my girlfriend (Yes. I too had one. I will narrate that tragedy later)
Vidya: Hi dear! I am very upset.
Means Narender you have to ask me what my problem is.
Narender: Hey dear! What happened?
Means solli tholadi…
(Go on)
Vidya: My mother went to a visit a guest. On her way back, she was hit by an ambassador car :( (Sad smiley included) She is in hospital now :( :( (Two sad smiley included).
Oops! Something’s wrong here!
Narender: Hey dear! Are you alright? Very sorry for your mother. Don’t mistake me for asking this at this moment. What is your elder sister Rubini’s full name?
Vidya: Rubini Priya. Why?
Narender: Where is she now?
Vidya: She is in Australia.
Aathaadi!!!
(Oh God!)
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART II
I disconnected the call citing signal disruptions. The next day Vidya messaged me.
Vidya: Hi dear :) Can you call me now?
Why do girls always ask the guys to call them? If you ask them, they will give the universal response, ‘Mobile la etho problem pa. Outgoing calls pogave mattenguthu’
(There is some problem with my mobile. Outgoing calls are restricted)
Narender: Why dear? Can’t you call me?
Vidya: Hey illa pa. Ennamo theriyala. En mobile la outgoing calls pogave mattenguthu.
(Hey no. I don’t know why. But outgoing calls are restricted in my mobile)
Pudhusa nee vera enna solla pora? Anyway I called her.
(What else are you going to say anyway?)
Narender: Hi Vidya! How are you?
Vidya: Hi Naren! I am fine! How are you?
Romba santhoshama irukken! Unga amma inimel aduthavan kudumbathula kozhappam panna mattaa! Oh God! I was incredibly happy!
(I am very happy! Your mother won’t spoil another family’s peace here after!)
Narender: I am very sad dear! Your mother is in hospital illa?
Vidya: Hey no! She was discharged this afternoon. She had minor injuries only.
Narender: MINOR Injuries?! Oh God! That’s very sad!
Vidya: What?!
Narender: I mean… Minor INJURIES?! Oh God! That’s very sad!
Vidya: Yeah! I miss you these days! :(:(:(
Aama! Unga amma car la adipattu eppadiyo uyir pozhachi vanthirukka. Ippo ‘I miss you these days! :(’ romba mukkiyama?!
(Oh yes! Your mother escaped the clutches of death somehow. Now is it absolutely necessary to say ‘I miss you these days!’?)
In Gounder’s style, ‘Indha nerathula Avva Avva paattu avasiyamthaana?’
(Is it necessary to sing ‘Hawa Hawa’ song now?)
Narender: Me too dear!
The next few days were typical days of my office life. Did I tell you about my office? Well… I will describe it as time proceeds. For now, I will give a brief introduction.
Gunfosys has corporate divisions all over the world. Similar to 2012 predictions by scientists, top marketing strategists have predicted that 3/4th of earth’s population will be recruited by Gunfosys before 2018. Most of the offices will be very near to the capitals cities of the state. Say around 200km only. My office is very special to me. I enjoy travelling in the traffic-free road between my office and Chennai where my home is situated. I stay at home only. But the neighbors think I am an occasional visitor. The policeman on the street suspects I am a terrorist because I often get down from a cab late after midnight.
I hate to interact with any fresher in my office. There is a strong reason behind this. I will narrate you a conversation I had with a fresher.
That day, after a hectic schedule I was having tea at the food court when a junior from 2010 batch recognized me and started a conversation.
Fresher: (With a sad face) Cha! Manasukku rumba kashtama irukku na!
(I am very unhappy)
Narender: Enda? Project romba difficult ah irukka?
(Why? Is your project difficult?)
Fresher: Naan Project laye illa na! Athaan kashtama irukku!
(I am not in project! That’s why I am unhappy!)
Narender: Dei….
(Dude…)
Fresher: Oru maasam bench la irundha parava illana… Moonu maasama irukken…
(Had I been in bench for one month, it’s OK bro… But it has been three months since I have been in bench…)
Narender: Thambi nee romba koduthu…
(Bro… You are very gif…)
Fresher: (Interrupting) Moonu maasam bayangarama hard work pannaa Team Lead aagalaamnu Gunfosys Pre-placement talk la sonnaangale?
(In Gunfosys Pre-placement talk they said if I work very hard for three months, I will become Team Lead)
Narender: Dei niruthikoda!….
(Dude… Please stop it!...)
Fresher: (Interrupting) Bench la romba naal irundha fire panniduvaangalaa na?
(Will they fire me if I were in bench for a long time?)
Narender: Dei… Ennala mudiyalada!…
(Dude I can’t take it any longer!)
Fresher: (Interrupting) Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
(What will I become if I work in Gunfosys for ten years?)
Narender: Theriyaadhuda…
(I don’t know…)
Fresher: Sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
(Tell me bro… What will I become if I work in Gunfosys for ten years?)
Narender: Dei athan naan en vaayaala solla koodaathuda!
(Dude, I shouldn’t tell it!)
Fresher: Thayavu senji sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
(Please tell me bro… What will I become if I work in Gunfosys for ten years? )
Narender: Dei, inikku velli kezhama da! Naan solla koodaathu da!
(Dude, it is Friday! I shouldn’t tell it!)
Fresher: Anna please sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
(Bro please tell me… What will I become if I work in Gunfosys for ten years?)
Narender: PONAM aavada!
(You will become a corpse!)
The fresher disappeared. Just as I finished my tea my mobile phone rang.
It was my junior from 2011 batch. I had the contact in my mobile, but never messaged him after I finished college.
Oru varushama kandukaathavan, ippo enna thideelnu call pannuraan? Oru vela maathi call pannittano?
(Why does the guy who never called for more than a year calls me now? Could it be a wrong call?)
Confusedly, I attended the call.
Junior: Hi anna! Eppadi irukeenga?
(Hi bro! How are you?)
Narender: Naan nalla irukken pa! Nee eppadi irukka?
(I am fine dude! How are you?)
Gradually the conversation became very mechanical. Payyan kadaiseela vishayathukku vanthaan.
(Finally he zeroed in on the purpose of his call)
Junior: Anna! Final year project yethala na pannurathu?
(Bro! What final year project can I do?)
Narender: Huh?...
Junior: I mean, networking la panna worth ah na?
(Is it worth doing in Networking?)
Narender: Thambi oru nimisham…
(Bro wait a minute…)
Junior: Naan ‘Advanced Networking Performance Improvisation With Superior Integrated Machine Language Operations Through Secure Versioning’ la pannalaamnu irukken.
(I have decided to do a project on ‘Advanced Networking Performance Improvisation With Superior Integrated Machine Language Operations Through Secure Versioning’)
Narender: Thambi enakku light ah thala valikka aarambikkuthu…
(Bro! I am beginning to have a mild headache…)
Junior: (Interrupting) Aana indha project ah pannaa campus recruitment la advantage kedaikkumaa nu theriyala…
(But I don’t know whether I will have an advantage in campus recruitment if I do this project.)
Narender: Dei nee ellaya meeri poikittirukkada!
(Dude… You are crossing the limits!)
Junior: (Interrupting)But friends ellam ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With Advanced XML Utilization’ la pannu nu sollraanga!
(Friends are suggesting another project on ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With Advanced XML Utilization’)
Narender: Venaam da! Naan erkanave nonthu poi irukken!
(No dude… I am already very much disturbed…)
Junior: (Interrupting) Neenga thaan Gunfosys la vela seyyureengale… Campus la indha project pannen nu sonna consider pannuvaangala?
(You are with Gunfosys… Will they consider this project during campus interview)
Narender: Konjam porumaya iruda… Nee ethuvum panna ven…
(Wait dude… You need not do anyth…)
Junior: (Interrupting) Aana naan implant training ethuvum pannalaye?!
(But I haven’t done any implant training)
I disconnected the call and took a tablet of anacin. Ever since I joined Gunfosys I always used to carry a couple of anacin tablets wherever I go.
My headache subsided. Peace returned in sometime. As I was about to leave the food court, my mobile rang again. It was Vidya.
Vidya: Hey dear! My sister Rubini Priya is returning from onsite!
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART III
Narender: Oh! That’s great dear! :):):)
Vidya: She is also working in your office only!
Athaan unga amma vathi vachittale!
(Of course! That’s what your mother said!)
Narender: Oh! Is it?! Great! Can you give me her number?
Vidya: Sorry dear! She doesn’t talk much with guys!
Number kodukka mudiyaathuna ‘mudiyaathu’nu sollu. Yen entha ponnume innoru ponnu number ah kodukkave maatraa?
(If you can’t give her number say ‘I can’t give’. Why doesn’t any girl give another girl’s number?)
Cha! Kadala podalaamnu number kettane! Miss aagiduche!
(Oops! I thought of flirting for some time! Missed it! )
Narender: Oh! OK dear! No problem! I asked for emergency purpose only! Don’t mistake me.
Vidya: (To herself) Dei kedi! Nee emergency ku number kekkura aala? Unna pathi enakku theriyaathu? Kadala podurathukku eppadi alaiyuraan paaru! (To me) It’s OK dear. I will never mistake you!
(You moron! Are you the sort of person who asks number for emergency? Don’t I know about you? Look how eager he is to flirt with another girl!)
I received another call.
Narender: Hey dear! I am getting another call. Will talk to you later! Bye!
Vidya: Bye dear!
I prayed it should not be my PM. I saw my mobile. It was my PM.
Narender: Hello.
PM: Can you come over to my cubicle?
Narender: Sure. In another five minutes.
I reached his cubicle after 20 minutes.
Narender: Kut Maarning Oppicer!
PM: Narender! We will have your appraisal this evening. Before that, I want to tell you, you are going to be working on PMA project.
Narender: Oh! What happened to the Project I was working on so far?
PM: The clients don’t think the application will be used by them.
Idha thaan naan project aarambikkurathukku munnadiye sonnane!
(This is what I told even before the start of the project!)
Narender: Oh!
PM: Un kooda Praveen iruppane! Bayangarama hard work pannuvaane! Enga avan?
(Where is Praveen? He used to be with you. Very hard working fellow!)
Narender: Avan varala oppicer!
(He hasn’t come sir!)
PM: Oh! Rombave hard work pannuvaan illa?
(Oh! He will work terribly hard right?)
Narender: Aamanga oppicer!
(Yes sir!)
PM: Innikki namma intranet homepage la avan photo vanthirukkanume!
(Today, his photo should have come in our intranet homepage!)
Narender: Innikki intranet homepage la avan photo vanthuchaanu theriyala! Aana nethu Hindu newspaper obituary column la avan photo vanthuchi…
(I don’t know whether his photo has appeared in our intranet’s homepage today! But it has appeared in yesterday’s Hindu newspaper in the obituary column…)
PM: Hey! What are you telling man! Avan sethuttaana?
(You mean he is dead?)
Narender: Aamanga oppicer!
(Yes sir!)
PM: Oh God! This is serious man! Innikki avan project la deployment irukke!
(But his project has one deployment today!)
Gounder: Vadakkapatti Raamasaamy sethu poitaanda!
(Vadakkapatti Ramasaamy is dead!)
Senthil: Raamaasaamy ah! Avaru ungalukku panam kodukkanume!
(But he owes you money!)
Gounder: Tha!… Sethu poittaandanguren!
(I am telling he is dead!)
Narender: Ayyo paavame!
(Oh God!)
PM: Cha! Nalla work pannathukku avanukku client kitta irundhu appreciation mail kooda vandhuchi pa!
(Gosh! He even got appreciation mail from the client due to his hard work!)
Narender: Appreciation mail mattum varala… BP, diabetes, ulcer, appendicitis nu innum nerayave vandhuchi…
(Not only appreciation mail… He even got other things like BP, diabetes, ulcer, appendicitis…)
PM: Seri atha vidu. You will work with one Ms. Rubini Priya henceforth. She was actually transferred from another unit.
(OK. Leave it.)
Narender: Rubini Priya?!.
PM: Yeah. I will send a mail regarding this. You can go now.
I went back to my cubicle. Just as I sat down and unlocked my desktop, my PM pinged me.
PM: Hey, what is the status of the project?
Status ah?! Project la pottu rendu nimisham kooda aagalaye!
(Status?! Not even two minutes have passed since I was included into the project!)
PM: Contact Rubini Priya and start working on it!
Rubini Priya! Yaar ava? Eppadi iruppa? Yenna designation? SE ah? SSE ah? TL ah? TA va?
(Who is this Rubini Priya? How will she look? What’s her designation? SE? SSE? TL? TA?)
I received an email from my PM sent to me, Rubini Priya and others concerned in my project.
On checking the properties of her contact, I discovered she too was an SE. I pinged her.
Narender: Hi :) (Smiley included)
Rubini: hi (Smiley missing)
Narender: We will be working together on PMA project. Our TL is in Bangalore.
Rubini: o i c (Note the shortened form of words)
Narender: Did you read the email sent by our PM regarding this?
Rubini: s i red
Appuram enna thenaavattu irundha ‘We will be working together on PMA project’nu sollumpothu ‘o i c’nu solli iruppa?
(Then why the hell did you say, ‘o i c’ when I said ‘We will be working together on PMA project’?)
Narender: I heard you returned from Australia and were transferred to our unit.
Rubini: :)
When all a girl enters in the communicator window is a single ‘:)’, it means ‘Pesurathukku vera onnum illa. Poi velaya paar’
(I have nothing to talk with you, go do your job!)
Then I received an email from Anil, my TL in Bangalore. All members of the project were to be on the conference that afternoon.
Narender: We have a call this afternoon.
Rubini: hmmm
Narender: Shall we go for lunch together?
Rubini: hmmm k
Enna odane othukuttaa? Anyway I was terribly excited and pinged my friends to say that I won’t be joining them for lunch.
(How come she agreed immediately?)
Narender: I have work. I won’t be coming for lunch.
Gubendra has been added to the conversation.
Abhishek has been added to the conversation.
Rakesh has been added to the conversation.
Naveen has been added to the conversation.
Jatin has been added to the conversation.
Abhishek: Endha ponnoda da kadala poda pora?
(With which girl are you going to flirt now?)
Narender: Dei. Kadala ellam podala da. Unmayilaye vela irukku.
(Hey no! I am not going to flirt. Really I have work!)
Naveen: Enna vela?
(What work?)
Narender: Oru periya bug da. Ippo thaan paathen.
(A big bug. I discovered just now.)
Rakesh: Ippo thaan oru puthu project la pottathaa kelvi patten? Athukulla bug ah?
(I heard you were just transferred to a new project? So soon you had a bug?)
Narender: Pazhaya project la bug da.
(No. Bug in my old project)
Gubendra: Seri ethana manikku saappuda pova?
(OK. At what time will you go for lunch?)
Narender: Athu… Oru 2 o’clock aagidum
(That… will be around 2 o’clock)
Jatin: Parava illa… Naanga wait pannrom… Nee bug ah solve pannitte vaa.
(It’s OK. We will wait. You solve the bug and come)
Enna wait pannuromnu sollraan? Eppadiyaavathu kazhandukanume!
(What? He says they will wait?! Somehow I should slip away!)
After a lot of compulsion, they agreed to leave for lunch. Just then Rubini pinged me.
Rubini: hey sry yaar… hv lots of wrk… cant cum fr lunch…
Adi paavi! Ammavukku ponnu thappaama poranthirukkale! Ippadi kuttaya kozhappi vittuttu poitaale!
(You horrible woman! Like mother, like daughter! Now you have just ensured my doom!)
I silently got away to have lunch on my own. Without being detected I entered one of the lifts and reached the ground floor. The lift opened. The other lift opened too. My friends came out of that lift and gave me a ‘Figure kazhatti vittuducha?’ look.
(Friends gave me a ‘Did the girl double cross you!’ look)
Nobody spoke for some time.
Gubendra: Naren… Etho bug irukkunu sonniye da?
(You said there was some bug?)
Narender: Athu vanthu…
(That was…)
Naveen: (Interrupting) Athukulla solve pannitiya machi?
(You solved it so soon dude?)
Narender: Actual ah…
(Actually…)
Rakesh: (Interrupting) Oru nimishathula solve pannitiya da? Really great da. You should get on the spot award man!
Enda yeriyura neruppula yennaya oothura?
(Why are you adding fuel to the fire dude?)
Narender: Seri neenga ellam endha FC poreenga?
(OK. Which FC are you guys going to?)
Abhishek: Nee endha FC pora?
(Which FC are you going to?)
Usually we all go to FC1 for lunch.
Narender: Naan FC2 poren da!
(I am going to FC2!)
Jatin: Scene da! Naangalum FC2 thaan porum!
(Great! We are also going to FC2 only!)
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART IV
I returned to my cubicle after lunch. Saappidumpothu evvalavu avamaanangal!
I saw that she was still online. I pinged her.
Narender: Hi. I just had my lunch.
Rubini: hmmm me 2
‘me 2’ ah? Adiye! Unna ellaam….
(Eh? You should be…)
Narender: You said you had work?
Rubini: no yaar… it ws a smal issue… solvd it soon…
Pinna endi ‘hv lots of wrk’ nu sonna?
(Then why the hell did you say, ‘hv lots of wrk’?)
Narender: Oh! You said lots of work :)
Rubini: lolz :)
‘lolz:)’ ah? Poyi, B4 4th floor la irundhu keezha guthi!
(Go jump from B4 4th floor!)
Narender: Fine.
Rubini: srry yaar… don mistake me… v vil go nxt time fr sure…
Aaaniye pudinga venaam!
(No need to do anything!)
Narender: Sure :) Can you come over here. We need to join the conference now. It would be good if we are together when talking to the Bangalore team.
Rubini: hmmm k
I gave her my cubicle details. She came after a few minutes.
Well. I wouldn’t say she was beautiful. But kind of OK.
After brief introductions, I connected to the bridge. Noise was heard now and then.
(Voice1): …lekin hum nahin…
(Voice2): ...abhi bhi ham karenge…
(Voice1): Jo sab kar rahe Khonference mein…
Ennada hindi padam title aah viduraanunga?!
(Why these guys are giving titles of hindi movies?)
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
(Voice1): Vaibhav ek minute… Narendhra? Who else do we have on the khaal?
Narender: Rubini… From Chennai. Is this Anil from Bangalore?
(Voice1): Yeah. I have Vaibhav with me. So Narendhra…
Narender: It’s Narender Anil (fake laughter)
Anil: OKhay Narendhra…
Gounder: Pushpam!
Senthil: Puipam!
Their lines got disrupted. Obviously they were north Indians posted in Bangalore. I and Rubini were still on the call.
Voices were heard again.
(Voice1): … lethu raa…
(Voice2): …avunu. Ikkada…
(Voice1): …Conference lu who elsu?
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
(Voice1): Okka nimisham Raju… Hey Narendhar!
Narender: Hi. May I know who I am speaking to?
(Voice1): This is Venkata Ramulu and Vemulapalli Raju…
Narender: Oh! Are you from Hyderabad team?
Ramulu: No… We are from Trivandrum team.
OK. So they were people from Andhra Pradesh posted in Trivandrum. I always used to wonder why this mismatch happens. At this rate a Kerala guy would have been posted at Pune.
Raju: Our Team Lead will join us from Pune. But he is actually from Kerala only.
Nobody else was there, so I decided to take the conversation a little further.
Narender: Oh fine. Your name is Venkata Ramulu. Right?
Now that was a mistake.
Ramulu: No. Actually my name is Chandamalla Kotla Vempati Tulabandu Alluri Gaddam Yandamuri Srivatsa Venkatapathy Srinivasa Venkata Ramulu
Sabaa… Ippave kanna kattuthe! Ration card la irukkura pera ellam concatenate panni peru vachitaangalo?
(Oh! My head is swooning! Could it be possible that his name was the result of concatenation operation between all the names in his family’s ration card?)
Narender: Oh! Is there a short form for your name?
Ramulu: Actually, what I told you was the short form. The full name is Chandamalla Srigiri…
I asked Rubini to take over and went to the food court to have some strong coffee. With Anacin.
Ten minutes later, I returned to my cubicle.
Ramulu: ... Vanapalli Yellapragada Venkata Ramulu.
Appaada! What a relief!
(Gosh! What a relief!)
Raju: My full name is…
Dei venaamda!...
(Dude! No…)
Luckily, their lines got disrupted. There was a voice again. Looked like it was the Keralite from Pune.
(Voice): This is James Mariam Thomas (Read James Merriam Tho-mas) from Pune. Who are in the kone-ference?
Dei… Enthana thadava da intro kodukkurathu… Naan Narender… Ithu Rubini… Inimel yaaravathu ketta evana irundhaalum vettuven!
(How many times should I give intro? I am Narender. This is Rubini. Henceforth I will kill no matter whoever it is!)
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
Thomas: Hello… Hi Nyarender and Reubini. Can we get started with the koll?
Narender: Sure Tho-mas… I mean Thomas…
Thomas: O-ver client is from O-stralia… Theyar O-peration is kome-pletely…
Soon teams from Bangalore and Trivandrum joined the kone-ference… I mean conference… By the end of the call, I took 3 Anacin tablets.
Just then my PM pinged me.
PM: Come here. We will have your appraisal now.
I went to his cubicle.
Narender: Sollunga oppicer!
(Tell me!)
PM: Namma SinCity INK la Gunfosys ah kalaichu story ezhuthariyame?
(I heard you are writing a story in SinCity INK mocking Gunfosys?)
Narender: Appadi ellaam illeengo!
(Nothing like that!)
PM: Hmmm… Irukkattum. Coming to your appraisal, I am going to give you CRR4
(OK. Let it be)
Narender: (laughing in Suriyan Gounder style) He he he :) So sad!
PM: Yennu kekka maattiya?
(Won’t you ask why?)
Narender: Yennu ketta mattum CRR1+ koduthuda poreengala?
(Will you give me CRR1+ if I ask you why?)
PM: Therinjikko… You have just met the expectations.
(Know it.)
Narender: Nalla vishayam thaana! Vera enna seyyanum?
(That’s good. What else should be done?)
PM: You should have exceeded the expectation.
Narender: Unga expectation ah exceed pannanumnu expect pannureengala? Appo rendu expectations ah yum sethu orey expectation ah club pannunga… Naan unga expectation ah meet pannuren…
(Do you expect your expectation to be exceeded? Then club both expectations into a single one… I will meet them…)
PM: Why didn’t you attend the meeting last week?
Narender: Pannaathathaala companyku ethavathu loss ah?
(Did the company face a loss due to my absence?)
PM: Nonsense! Our unit head came all the way from Chandigarh.
Narender: Enna paakkurathukkaagava Chandigarh la irundhu vandhaanga? Naan onnum andha alavukku periya aalu illaye!
(Did she come all the way from Chandigarh to see me? I am not such an important person!)
PM: Stop it! Avanga onnum unna paakka varala!
(She didn’t come to see you!)
Narender: Pinna naan vandha enna? Varalana enna?
(Then did my presence really matter?)
PM: You had 12 single swipes last month.
Narender: (laughing in Suriyan Gounder style again) Namma company swiping machines ah pathi therinje ippadi kekkureengale!
(Why are you asking this question knowing very well about our company’s swiping machines)
PM: Look it this mail! There was an escalation in your last project!
Narender: Nalla paarunga… Athu naan project la join pannurathukku oru vaaram munnadi vandha escalation mail.
(Look carefully… The escalation mail was dated a week before I joined the project)
PM: You have attitude problem.
Narender: Ethavachi appadi sollureenga?
(On what basis are you saying so?)
PM: You are questioning me. That’s an attitude problem.
Narender: Naan eppo ungala question pannen?
(When did I question you?)
PM: You are questioning me again.
Narender: Sorrynga oppicer!
PM: Paper…
Narender: Innum konja naal la pottruven… Unga kitta yaar athukullayum sonna?
(Will resign in another few days… Who told you so soon?...)
PM: Nonsense! Have you published any white paper?
Narender: Verum white paper ah eppadi publish panna mudiyum? Appadiye publish pannalum evan vaanguvaan? Bhaarathamaathaave! So sorry!
(How can someone publish a white paper? Even if published, who will buy it? Dear India! I am very sorry!)
PM: Hey you! I meant white paper. Proven solution to a specific problem.
Narender: Enkitta yaarum vanthu, ‘I have a problem. Give me a solution’nu kekkalaye?
(No one has ever approached me to give solution to a problem)
PM: Extra effort pottu pannanum.
(You should put extra effort)
Narender: Extra effort pottaa extra sambalam tharuveengala?
(Will I be given extra salary if I put extra effort?)
PM: Why are you starting by 5:00 o’ clock?
Narender: Yenna ella bussum 5:05 kulla full aagiduthey!
(Because busses are getting full by 5:05PM itself)
PM: Athilla man! You can stay back and work right?
(Not that!)
Narender: Naan en velaya 5 o’clock kullaye mudichidurane!
(I am finishing my job before 5 o’clock )
PM: You should help with the migration of your application.
Narender: Naan application development team la thaana irukken. Migration team la illave illaye!
(I am with application development team only. I am not with the migration team.)
PM: You should take responsibility. We are working as a team.
Narender: Oh! Appo neengalum responsibility ah konjam share panni 5 o’clock mela stay pannunga. Onnave 10 o’clock cab la polam!
(Oh1 Then you also have your share of the responsibility and stay back after 5 o’clock. We will start in 10 o’clock cab together)
PM: Get out!
I came out happily. This time my PM took Anacin tablets.
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART V
When I came out I found one of my colleagues standing near as if waiting to console me. He got CRR1+ and it was very evident from the smile on his face that stretched from ear to ear.
Colleague: Feel pannatha machi!
(Don’t feel dude!)
Narender: Naan feel pannave illaye!
(I never felt bad in the first place!)
Colleague: Unakku yen CRR4 vanthuchi theriyuma?
(Do you know why you got CRR4?)
Narender: Yenna enakku vara vendia CRR1+ endha tiffan box thalayanukko poiduchi… Avan mattum en kaila kedaikkattum… Aama unakku avan yaar nu theriyuma? Therinja sollu…
(Because my CRR1+ went to another person… I wish to blast him… Do you know who he is? If so tell me…)
Colleague: (Gulps)
Narender: Seri… Yenna kaaranamnu nee nenaikkura?
(OK. What do you think is the reason?)
Colleague: Nee daily 5:20 bus la pora illa? Athaan unakku CRR4 kedachuchi!
(You are starting by 5:20 bus right? That’s why you got CRR4!)
Man outside temple: Thevaya unakku! Elani anju roobaikku vitha illa? Athaan unakku kushtam pudichiruchi!
(You deserve it! You sold tender coconut for 5 rupees right? That’s why you got leprosy!)
Gounder: Dei! Elani anju roobaikku vithaa kushtam pudikkumaa? Appo black la arisi vikkuravan, javuli vikkuravan, governmenttu sotha yemathi thinguraven, ivanukkellam ennada pudikkum? Ettanaa poda vakkilaadha nai law pesudhu paaru!
(So a person gets leprosy if he sells tender coconut for 5 rupees? Then what about people who sell goods in black and cheat the government?!)
That evening, when I reached home, I found a guest waiting for my arrival. Once again it was Vidya’s mother.
She was bandaged on her head. I really felt sad for her. I wanted to wish her a speedy recovery.
Narender: Aunty, I wish you a speedy recov…
Guest: (Interrupting) Indhappa… Chocolate eduthukko…
(Here… Take chocolate…)
Narender: Enna vishesham aunty?
(What’s the occasion aunty?)
Guest: Vishesham ellam onnumilla pa! Priya onsite la irundhu vanthuttaa! Ava vaangikittu vanthaa!
(No special occasion… Priya has returned from onsite... She bought them!)
Narender: Oh! Thanks aunty!
Cha! Ivangala poi thappa nenachittome!
(Oh God! I mistook this kind lady!)
Perhaps she wasn’t that bad after all. I was about to have one bite of the chocolate.
Guest: Munna pinna foreign chocolate saaptu irukkiya pa?
(Have you ever had foreign chocolate before?)
Oye! Nee innum thirundhalaya?!
(Oh! So you haven’t changed yet!)
I tried to change the subject.
Narender: Rotla traffic romba jaasthi aunty… Athaan konjam late ah…
(There was heavy traffic in road aunty… That’s why late…)
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam (referring to Australia) traffic eh irukkaathaampa! Priya sonna!
(There in Australia there won’t be any traffic it seems! Priya told!)
Narender: Veyyil vera ippo bayangaramaa…
(Summer is on the rise…)
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam climate romba cold ah irukkumaampa! Priya sonna!
(There the climate will be very cold it seems! Priya told!)
Narender: Nethu shopping malla….
(In shopping mall yesterday…)
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam shopping malls vithiyaasama irukkumaampa! Priya sonna!
(There shopping malls will be very different it seems! Priya told!)
I didn’t talk further and switched on the television. There was a mega serial running.
Guest: Paarupa! Ivlov thooram avamaanappattum avan, avanoda kudumbathukku help panraan paaru!
(Look! Even after being tortured by his family, this guy is helping them instead!)
Narender: Yaaru aunty?
(Who aunty?)
Guest: (Points to a guy in tv) Avan thaampa!
(He only!)
Narender: Enna panrathu aunty! Sila janmangal evlov thaan adi vaangunaalum thiruntha maatraangale!
(What to do aunty? Some people don’t learn anything from their mistakes!)
She became silent for some time.
Guest: (Pointingexcitedly to a girl in the serial) Iva ivlov maasama enga poi irundhaa?
(Where did she go for such a long time?)
Narender: Yaaru aunty ava?
(Who is she?)
Guest: Iva thaampa villi oda ponnu! Ivanga amma romba kettava!
(She is the daughter of the antagonist woman! Her mother is terribly evil!)
Narender: Appo oru vela onsite poi iruppaalo?
(In that case, could it be possible she went onsite?)
She was silent again for a long time. This time I could see her face twitching for revenge.
Guest: Athillapa! Aaru maasam munnadi vantha oru episode la iva kaanaama poittaa!
(No! All of a sudden, she disappeared from one episode six months back!)
Narender: Aaru maasam munnadi vantha episode ah correct ah nyabagam vachirukkeengale! Great aunty!
(Are you able to correctly remember an episode you watched six months back?)
Guest: (Smiling) Romba thanks pa!
Narender: Aana indha ariva neenga padippula kaatti irundheenganna innikku oru doctoraavo, collectoraavo aagirukkalaame?
(But had you used your memory power in studies, you would have become a doctor or a collector by this time!)
She took the remaining chocolates that were in a zipper bag and moved towards the door.
Narender: Enna aunty! Athukkulla kelambiteenga?
(Why are you starting so soon?)
Guest: Illapa! Innoruthar veettukku poganum…
(No! I need to visit another house!)
Narender: Yaar veettukku aunty?
(Which house?)
Guest: Sundaram sir veettukku pa!
(Mr. Sundaram’s residence!)
Narender: Avanga paiyyan Ashok nethu thaan Americavula irundhu vandhaan aunty! Enga veettukku chocolate eduthukuttu vandhu romba neram mokka pottaan! ‘Amerikkavula traffic eh irukkadhu… Amerikkavula climate romba cold ah irukkum… Amerikkavula shopping malls vithiyaasama irukkum’nu solli saavadichaan! Ivangalukkellam arive kedayaatha? Oruthar veettukku pona eppadi pesanomnu theriyaatha? Neengale sollunga aunty!
(His son Ashok returned from America yesterday! He came to give some chocolates and kept lecturing, ‘America is traffic free! American climate will be very cold! American shopping malls are different’ etc. and tortured me! Don’t these folks have some other job? Don’t they know how to conduct themselves when visiting other families? You tell me aunty!)
She slammed the door and left without a word.
My mobile rang. It was an unknown number. I picked it up.
(Voice): Hi na. Naan Ramesh. Unga junior. Gunfosys thaan en dream company… Eppadiyaavathu…
(Hi bro! This is Ramesh! Your junior. Gunfosys in my dream company. Somehow I should…)
I disconnected the call.
Dream company! Dream company! Dream company!
My memories took me three years back.
****************************************
(Voice1): Dei maapla! Indha question ah paarra! ‘Train A is moving at the speed of 268 Kmph. Train B is moving at the speed of 129 Kmph. If a person travels in train A for 53 minutes and then in train B for 187 minutes what is the…’
(Dude! Look at this question…)
(Voice2): (Interrupting) Dei problem ethuvaa irundhaalum firsttu irukkura units ellaathayum common unit ku convert pannanumda. Ippo nee…
(Dude! No matter whatever the problem is, you should first convert all units to a common unit… Now you…)
(Voice3): (Interrupting) Ippadi ellaam question kekka maattanunga da… Inga paar oru SMS vandhirukku… Ippadi thaan keppaanga… ‘Gunfy aptitude question: I am an 8 lettered word. My first 3 letters form an animal. My 6th and 7th letters are the same. My 4th, 5th and 6th letters are…’
(They won’t ask like this! See this SMS here… This is how they will ask…)
(Voice4): (Interrupting) Machi! Nee anga pesurathula thaanda irukku… Un confidence ah mattum thaan paappaanga! Athanaala nee…
(Dude! It all depends on how you talk there! Your confidence alone matters! So you…)
2008 – Placement season.
(Voice1): Dei Narender enga da?
(Where is Narender?)
(Voice2): Avan oru mukkiyamaana matter aah senior oda phone pesikittirukkaanda!
(He is talking to a senior on some important matter!)
A guy wearing round neck t-shirt and boot cut jeans was standing near the corner of the already crowded hostel room, talking to his senior over phone. That was me, three years back.
Narender: (Interrupting) But friends ellam ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With XML Utilization’ la pannu nu sollraanga!
(Friends are suggesting another project on ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With XML Utilization’)
Senior: Venaam da! Naan erkanave nonthu poi irukken!
(No dude… I am already very much disturbed…)
Narender: (Interrupting) Neenga thaan Gunfosys la vela seyyureengale… Campus la indha project pannen nu sonna consider pannuvaangala?
(You are with Gunfosys… Will they consider this project during campus interview)
Senior: Konjam porumaya iruda… Nee ethuvum panna ven…
(Wait dude… You need not do anyth…)
Narender: (Interrupting) Aana naan implant training ethuvum pannalaye?!
(But I haven’t done any implant training)
The line was disconnected.
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART VI
Professor: Narender! Next chapter nee seminar edukkuriya?
(Narender! Will you take seminar on the next chapter?)
Narender: Yen ungalukku andhaa chapter puriyaliya?
(Why didn’t you understand it?)
Professor: Dei! Yegathaalam pesaathadaa! Wilson Friedman book ah padichi adutha chapter seminar edu!
(Don’t talk back! Use Wilson Friedman book and take seminar on the next chapter!)
Narender: Neengale local author book ah padichi thaana class edukkureenga! Naan mattum yen foreign author book ah padikkanum?
(You are using local author book to take class! Why should I use foreign author book then?)
Professor: Indha subject romba kashtam! Purinjiko!
(This subject is very difficult! Please understand!)
Narender: Indha subject romba kashtam! Athanaan puriya mattenguthu!
(This subject is very difficult! That’s why I couldn’t understand!)
Professor: Idhulaa pass aanavanga rombaa kammi!
(The pass percent for this subject is very less!)
Narender: Yen? Neenga eduthathunaalaya?
(Why? Is it because you handled it?)
Professor: Venaamda! Yen vayitherichala kottikkatha! Nallaave irukka maatta!
(Don’t upset me! You won’t be happy!)
Narender: Yezhuvathu per vayitherichala kottikittu neengale nalla irukkumpothu unga oruthar vayitherichala kottikittu naan nallaa irukka mattana?
(When you are happy even after upsetting seventy people, I will be happy by upsetting you alone!)
Professor: Yenda ippadi oora suthura?
(Why are you roaming around the city?)
Narender: City la irundhu 50 Km thalli college ah kattna oora suthikittu thaan varanum!
(When the college is built 50 Km from the city I should roam around it to reach here!)
Professor: Un notes ah kaatra!
(Show me your notes!)
Narender: Purse la ippo sillara mattum thaan irukku! Notes ethuvum illa! Naan venumna ATM la poi konjam eduthukuttu vanthu kattatta?
(Right now my purse has only coins! If you permit I will get some notes from an ATM and show you!)
Professor: Pona test la nee ezhuthuna answer ellame thappu!
(The answers you wrote in the last test were all wrong!)
Narender: Pona testukku naan absent aache?
(I was absent for the last test!)
Professor: Ivlov mattamaana student ah naan paathathe illa!
(I have never seen such a disgusting student so far!)
Narender: Naanum ivlov mattamaana…
(I too have never seen such a disgusting…)
Professor: Dei!
Narender: Subject ah paathathe illanu solla vanthen!
(…subject so far!)
Professor: Pasanga ellaam groupaa…
(When guys form a group…)
Narender: Beer adikka koodathu nu sollreengala?
(They shouldn’t drink beer. Is that your point)
Professor: Dei!... Group ah padikkumpothu neeyum senthu padikkalaam illa?
(When they form a group to study, why can’t you join them?)
Narender: Padicha parava illaye… Beer adichaa?!
(If they study, then OK… But if they drink beer?!)
Professor: Ponnungale indha kaalathula…
(Even girls these days…)
Narender: Beer adikkuraangala? Cha! Enakkum kashtamaa thaan irukku…
(Are drinking beer right?... Even I am worried about it!)
Professor: Sathamaa pesaathada! Veliya HOD irukkaru! Kettura poraaru!
(Don’t shout… HOD is outside…)
Narender: HOD kettaa avarukkum oru peg ootha vendiyathuthaan!
(We will give a peg to him too!)
Professor: Dei!... Naan un professor da!
(I am your professor!)
Narender: Sorry sir! Firstu ungalukku! Appuram thaan HODku!
(Oh! Then first peg is for you! Second peg is for HOD!)
Professor: Dei!… Ponnungale indha kaalathula nallaa padikkuraangada!
(Even girls are studying well these days!)
Narender: Enna pannurathu… Kaalam kettu kedakku!
(What to do! These days terrible things happen!)
Professor: Namma class Anitha va paaruda!
(Look at Anitha of our class!)
Narender: Paakkura alavukku ava avlov nallaa illaye! Venumna ava pakkathula irukkura Aishwaryava pakkurane!
(She is not worthy to look at! If you want, I will look at Aishwarya who sits next to her!)
Professor: Dei!... Anitha evlov kashtappattu padikkuraa paaruda!
(Look how much effort she puts to read!)
Narender: Kannadi pottaa ellam sariya podium!
(She can put less effort if she wears a pair of specs!)
Professor: Arrear vizhuntha ennadaa pannuva?
(What will you do if you have an arrear?)
Narender: Re-evaluationukku apply pannuven!
(I will apply for re-evaluation!)
Professor: Idhu epperpatta college theriyuma?
(Do you know about this college?)
Narender: Ippo theriyum… Aana join pannurathukku munnadi theriyaathu! Therinjirunthaa naan join pannirukkave matten!
(I know now! But not before I joined! Had I known it by then, I wouldn’t have joined here at all!)
Professor: Manasu valikkuthu!
(My heart pains!)
Narender: Enakku kaathu valikkuthu!
(My ear pains!)
Professor: Ippadi pesurathukku unakku vekkamaa illa?
(Aren’t you ashamed to talk like this?)
Narender: Vekkamaa illa! Aana tired ah irukku! Naalikki continue pannuvoma?!
(No! But I am tired! Can we continue this talk tomorrow?!)
Professor: Naan innikki class edukka porathu illa!
(I won’t take class today!)
Narender: Yen ivlov neram pesunathula mug adicha notes maranthu pocha?!
(Why? Is it because you forgot the points you learnt by heart?!)
Professor: Abdul Kalam porantha naaduda ithu!
(This country has given people like Abdul Kalam!)
Narender: Cha! Apperpattavar porantha athey naatla ungala maathiri sila perum porakkuraangale!
(Gosh! The same country has given people like you too!)
Professor: Ulagame oru naadaga meda…
(All the world’s a stage…)
Narender: Achacho!
(Oh!)
Professor: Athula naam ellorum nadigargal…
(In that we are all actors…)
Narender: Achacho achacho!
(Oho!)
Professor: Appadinu Shakespeare solli irukkaaru da!
(Shakespeare told so…)
Narender: Athu kooda neenga sonnathillaya? Sonthamaa ennathaan solli irukkeenga?
(Oh! Even those words not spoken by you? Have you told anything of your own?)
Professor: (To the students) Dear students! Ivan inga irukkura varaikkum ennaala class edukka mudiyaathu! Naan poren!
(I won’t take class as long as he is here! I am going!)
Beggar: Enna vaaiyya unakku?! Enna vaai?
(What a mouth you have!)
Gounder: Thol vaaida! Paatha theriyala?
(Made of skin! Can’t you see?)
Beggar: Theriyuthuyaa! Unkooda irundhaa, ennakkum picha kedaikkaathuya! Pooya! Naan poren!
(I can see that! If I am with you, I won’t get alms! Go! I am going!)
Gounder: Ov! Governmenttu job ah resign pannittu poraarraa ivarurov! (Censored)
(Oh! This fellow thinks he is resigning a government job!)
That was a small part of my flashback. The next day I was sitting with Rubini Priya in my cubicle and was discussing the project we were assigned to. We became cubicle mates.
Narender: Innikki oru mukkiyamaana mail varum! Vandha enkitta sollu!
(We will receive an important mail today! If it arrives, do inform me!)
Rubini Priya: Mukkiyamaana mail, mukkiyamillaatha mail ethu ethu nu eppadi therinjikkurathu?
(How am I to know which mail is important and which is not?)
Narender: From address la HRD irunthaale athu mukkiyamillaatha mail thaan!
(Any mail that comes from HRD is unimportant!)
Vadivelu: Mela poi theva illaatha aaniyellaam pudungu po!
(Go upstairs and remove useless nails)
Ramesh Kanna: Thevayaana aani, thevayillaatha aaninu eppadi therinjikkurathu?
(How am I to know which nails are useless?)
Vadivelu: Nee pudungurathu poorve thevayillaathathu thaan! Poi pudungu!
(Whatever you remove are useless! Go remove them!)
Rubini Priya: Appo nee enna panna pora?
(What are you going to do then?)
Narender: Nethu veettukku oru vendaathava vanthu veruppethittaa! Orey tensan! Athaan konjam rest edukkuren!
(Yesterday I had an unwelcome visitor who upset me! I am tensed! So taking some rest!)
Sometime later.
Rubini Priya: Hey oru mail vanthirukku!
(Hey one mail has arrived!)
Narender: Enna pottrukku? Padi…
(What’s in it? Read please…)
Rubini Priya: ‘Are you certified?...’
Narender: ‘I don’t give a damn’nu solli shift+delete pannu!
(Shift+delete it!)
Rubini Priya: Hey communicator la Bangalore TL status online aagiduchi!
(Bangalor TL’s communicator status has become online)
Narender: Appo un status ah away pottuttu kelambu! Poi coffee kudikkalaam!
(Then put your status in away! We will have some coffee!)
Rubini Priya: OK!
Narender: Ippo edhukku coffee mug ah edukkura?
(Why are you taking the coffee mug?)
Rubini Priya: Namma floor laye coffee machine irukke!
(We have a coffee machine in our floor!)
Narender: Oh! Appadingala!
(Oh! Is it so?)
Rubini Priya: Latte, espresso, cappuccino nu moonu button irukku!
Narender: Endha button azhuthanaalum orey liquid thaan varum!
(Same liquid pours no matter whatever button you press!)
Rubini Priya: Appo inga coffee kudikka venaamnu sollriya?
(Then do you say I shouldn’t have coffee here?)
Narender: Uyir mela aasa irukka?
(Do you wish to be alive?)
Rubini Priya: Irukku!
(Yes!)
Narender: Appo en kooda FC vaa!
(Then come with me to FC!)
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART I
No. It is not ‘officer’. It is ‘oppicer’. That’s the term coined by our great Goundamani in the film Indian for a guy whom the outer world perceives as kingmaker in a corporate. Remember when he salutes Senthil saying, ‘Kut Maarning Oppicer!’?
Let me give you an example. I was walking home when some kids were talking together at the street’s corner.
Kid1: (Exclaiming) Dei! Andha anna Gunfosys la vela seyyuraarda!
(Hey that elder is working in Gunfosys)
Kid2: Ennadhu Gunfosys ah!!!!!!!!!!!
(What?! Gunfosys?!)
Now I was confused as to whether they were sarcastic or genuinely appreciating my association with Gunfosys.
They started calling out my name.
Kid1: Narender anna! Nillunganna! Enga kooda cricket aadunga please!
(Narender bro! Please stop! Join us for cricket!)
Kid2: Dei! Enna nakkala? Avaru evlov periya ‘oppicer’u… Avara poi nammaloda cricket vilayada kooppudara?
(Hey are you kidding? He is a big oppicer! How dare you call him to play cricket with us?)
I quickened my pace without turning back. But one of the mischievous guys pulled me by the hand and I had no other option but to stop and join them.
Narender: Seri da! Aana seekiram aadi mudikkanum! Enakku evening veetla neraya vela irukku!
(OK. But we should wind up soon! I have work in the evening!)
Kid1: Appadi ennana vela?!
(What work bro!?)
I was caught in a trap. How can I explain to him that I will be chatting with my girlfriend? I was very careful not to corrupt their minds. I believed kids of such a small age group should not know about dating, girlfriends, committed relationships etc.
Kid2: Vidra machi! Avaru yethavathu ponnoda cell phone la kadala poduvaaru! Namakku edhukkuda indha vambu? (Looking at me) Ennana! Ethavathu figure set aacha illaya?
(Leave him dude! He will probably flirt with some girl! Why should we bother? Hey bro! Any girl till now?)
I decided not to speak after that till the match was over. As usual the team I was in lost the game and my team mates were secretly cursing my inclusion for their downfall. I reached home and saw that a guest was waiting for my arrival. It was a lady of my mother’s age.
Mother: Itho avane vanthuttane! Dei Narender, ivanga ponnu Priya kooda Gunfosys la thaan vela seyyuraalam! Nee paathu irukkiya?
(He has come! Narender, her daughter Priya is also working in Gunfosys! Have you seen her?)
Narender: Huh… Priya va? Endha Priya?
(Priya? Which Priya?)
Mother: Dei! Priya na endha Priya nu kekkura? Neeyum Gunfosys la thaan vela pakkura. Avalum Gunfosys la thaan vela paakkura. Appuram eppadi theriyaama irukkum?
(How can you ask which Priya? You are working in Gunfosys. She is also working in Gunfosys. Then how is it possible you don’t know her?)
I let out a big sigh. The guest who was apparently Priya’s mother was adding fuel to the fire.
Guest: Priya pa… Konjam tall ah iruppale…
(She will be tall)
What a description! How can I know a Priya in a corporate strength of 10000 in this division of the company alone? But I should know because she was also tall!
I couldn’t take this conversation anymore. Besides, I was tired. So I decided to play it safe and end the nonsense.
Narender: Oh! Andha Priya va! Enakku theriyume! Pona vaaram kooda food court la pathu pesunen.
(Oh! You mean that Priya? Yeah I know her. Even last week I talked to her in food court!)
Guest: Illiye pa! Ava pona maasame onsite poittale… Nee eppadi pesiyiruppa?
(That’s impossible. She went onsite last month itself. How could have you talked to her?)
My mother gave me a glaring look. This idiotic guest has arrived for the sole purpose of spoiling whatever good name I have at my home.
Guest: Athu sari pa… Nee onsite pogala?
(That’s OK. Aren’t you going onsite?)
She was persistent to humiliate me in front of my mother. Endi… Onsite la enna koopta naan endi pogama irukken? Nee enga veetta vittu pogumpothu rotla ambassador car yeri saga pora paar!
(Gladly I would have, only if I was called. May you be hit by an ambassador car on your way back home!)
Guest: Ennapa yosikkura? Pesaama company maariden!
(What are you thinking? Better switch to another company!)
Super. Ettaan class pass aagaathava ellam enna company maathiko nu strategic advice kodukkura!
(She hasn’t passed 8th standard but is giving strategic advice on switching companies)
Narender: Kandippa maaruven aunty! Seri Priya endha country poi irukka?
(Sure I will switch companies! By the way to which country has Priya left for?)
Guest: (With a big proud smile) Auz.
Narender: Auz na?
(Aus means?)
Guest: (With a sympathetic look) Australia pa!
(Australia!)
OK. Enna rumba usuppethitta. Ippo paar!
(You have crossed the threshold. Take this!)
Narender: Oh! Australia va? Usual ah Australia vukku irukkuradhulaye mattamaana resource ah thaan anuppuvaangale! En friend kooda, ‘Machi! Australiavukku onsite resource ah porathukku naakka pudingikittu saagalaam da’ nu sonnane!
(Oh! Australia? Usually unfit resources are sent there. Even my friend said that when given a choice, one would rather choose to die than go to Australia!)
Guest: (To my mother) Saringa… Naan kelamburen! (To me, with a ‘pazhivaangittiye da!’ look) Varen pa!
(OK. I will leave now. [Scornful look] See you!)
Ha ha ha… Asingapatta autokaari!!!
(Successfully humiliated her in return!)
I still cursed she should be hit by an ambassador car on her way back.
One hour later, I received an sms from my girlfriend (Yes. I too had one. I will narrate that tragedy later)
Vidya: Hi dear! I am very upset.
Means Narender you have to ask me what my problem is.
Narender: Hey dear! What happened?
Means solli tholadi…
(Go on)
Vidya: My mother went to a visit a guest. On her way back, she was hit by an ambassador car :( (Sad smiley included) She is in hospital now :( :( (Two sad smiley included).
Oops! Something’s wrong here!
Narender: Hey dear! Are you alright? Very sorry for your mother. Don’t mistake me for asking this at this moment. What is your elder sister Rubini’s full name?
Vidya: Rubini Priya. Why?
Narender: Where is she now?
Vidya: She is in Australia.
Aathaadi!!!
(Oh God!)
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART II
I disconnected the call citing signal disruptions. The next day Vidya messaged me.
Vidya: Hi dear :) Can you call me now?
Why do girls always ask the guys to call them? If you ask them, they will give the universal response, ‘Mobile la etho problem pa. Outgoing calls pogave mattenguthu’
(There is some problem with my mobile. Outgoing calls are restricted)
Narender: Why dear? Can’t you call me?
Vidya: Hey illa pa. Ennamo theriyala. En mobile la outgoing calls pogave mattenguthu.
(Hey no. I don’t know why. But outgoing calls are restricted in my mobile)
Pudhusa nee vera enna solla pora? Anyway I called her.
(What else are you going to say anyway?)
Narender: Hi Vidya! How are you?
Vidya: Hi Naren! I am fine! How are you?
Romba santhoshama irukken! Unga amma inimel aduthavan kudumbathula kozhappam panna mattaa! Oh God! I was incredibly happy!
(I am very happy! Your mother won’t spoil another family’s peace here after!)
Narender: I am very sad dear! Your mother is in hospital illa?
Vidya: Hey no! She was discharged this afternoon. She had minor injuries only.
Narender: MINOR Injuries?! Oh God! That’s very sad!
Vidya: What?!
Narender: I mean… Minor INJURIES?! Oh God! That’s very sad!
Vidya: Yeah! I miss you these days! :(:(:(
Aama! Unga amma car la adipattu eppadiyo uyir pozhachi vanthirukka. Ippo ‘I miss you these days! :(’ romba mukkiyama?!
(Oh yes! Your mother escaped the clutches of death somehow. Now is it absolutely necessary to say ‘I miss you these days!’?)
In Gounder’s style, ‘Indha nerathula Avva Avva paattu avasiyamthaana?’
(Is it necessary to sing ‘Hawa Hawa’ song now?)
Narender: Me too dear!
The next few days were typical days of my office life. Did I tell you about my office? Well… I will describe it as time proceeds. For now, I will give a brief introduction.
Gunfosys has corporate divisions all over the world. Similar to 2012 predictions by scientists, top marketing strategists have predicted that 3/4th of earth’s population will be recruited by Gunfosys before 2018. Most of the offices will be very near to the capitals cities of the state. Say around 200km only. My office is very special to me. I enjoy travelling in the traffic-free road between my office and Chennai where my home is situated. I stay at home only. But the neighbors think I am an occasional visitor. The policeman on the street suspects I am a terrorist because I often get down from a cab late after midnight.
I hate to interact with any fresher in my office. There is a strong reason behind this. I will narrate you a conversation I had with a fresher.
That day, after a hectic schedule I was having tea at the food court when a junior from 2010 batch recognized me and started a conversation.
Fresher: (With a sad face) Cha! Manasukku rumba kashtama irukku na!
(I am very unhappy)
Narender: Enda? Project romba difficult ah irukka?
(Why? Is your project difficult?)
Fresher: Naan Project laye illa na! Athaan kashtama irukku!
(I am not in project! That’s why I am unhappy!)
Narender: Dei….
(Dude…)
Fresher: Oru maasam bench la irundha parava illana… Moonu maasama irukken…
(Had I been in bench for one month, it’s OK bro… But it has been three months since I have been in bench…)
Narender: Thambi nee romba koduthu…
(Bro… You are very gif…)
Fresher: (Interrupting) Moonu maasam bayangarama hard work pannaa Team Lead aagalaamnu Gunfosys Pre-placement talk la sonnaangale?
(In Gunfosys Pre-placement talk they said if I work very hard for three months, I will become Team Lead)
Narender: Dei niruthikoda!….
(Dude… Please stop it!...)
Fresher: (Interrupting) Bench la romba naal irundha fire panniduvaangalaa na?
(Will they fire me if I were in bench for a long time?)
Narender: Dei… Ennala mudiyalada!…
(Dude I can’t take it any longer!)
Fresher: (Interrupting) Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
(What will I become if I work in Gunfosys for ten years?)
Narender: Theriyaadhuda…
(I don’t know…)
Fresher: Sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
(Tell me bro… What will I become if I work in Gunfosys for ten years?)
Narender: Dei athan naan en vaayaala solla koodaathuda!
(Dude, I shouldn’t tell it!)
Fresher: Thayavu senji sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
(Please tell me bro… What will I become if I work in Gunfosys for ten years? )
Narender: Dei, inikku velli kezhama da! Naan solla koodaathu da!
(Dude, it is Friday! I shouldn’t tell it!)
Fresher: Anna please sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
(Bro please tell me… What will I become if I work in Gunfosys for ten years?)
Narender: PONAM aavada!
(You will become a corpse!)
The fresher disappeared. Just as I finished my tea my mobile phone rang.
It was my junior from 2011 batch. I had the contact in my mobile, but never messaged him after I finished college.
Oru varushama kandukaathavan, ippo enna thideelnu call pannuraan? Oru vela maathi call pannittano?
(Why does the guy who never called for more than a year calls me now? Could it be a wrong call?)
Confusedly, I attended the call.
Junior: Hi anna! Eppadi irukeenga?
(Hi bro! How are you?)
Narender: Naan nalla irukken pa! Nee eppadi irukka?
(I am fine dude! How are you?)
Gradually the conversation became very mechanical. Payyan kadaiseela vishayathukku vanthaan.
(Finally he zeroed in on the purpose of his call)
Junior: Anna! Final year project yethala na pannurathu?
(Bro! What final year project can I do?)
Narender: Huh?...
Junior: I mean, networking la panna worth ah na?
(Is it worth doing in Networking?)
Narender: Thambi oru nimisham…
(Bro wait a minute…)
Junior: Naan ‘Advanced Networking Performance Improvisation With Superior Integrated Machine Language Operations Through Secure Versioning’ la pannalaamnu irukken.
(I have decided to do a project on ‘Advanced Networking Performance Improvisation With Superior Integrated Machine Language Operations Through Secure Versioning’)
Narender: Thambi enakku light ah thala valikka aarambikkuthu…
(Bro! I am beginning to have a mild headache…)
Junior: (Interrupting) Aana indha project ah pannaa campus recruitment la advantage kedaikkumaa nu theriyala…
(But I don’t know whether I will have an advantage in campus recruitment if I do this project.)
Narender: Dei nee ellaya meeri poikittirukkada!
(Dude… You are crossing the limits!)
Junior: (Interrupting)But friends ellam ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With Advanced XML Utilization’ la pannu nu sollraanga!
(Friends are suggesting another project on ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With Advanced XML Utilization’)
Narender: Venaam da! Naan erkanave nonthu poi irukken!
(No dude… I am already very much disturbed…)
Junior: (Interrupting) Neenga thaan Gunfosys la vela seyyureengale… Campus la indha project pannen nu sonna consider pannuvaangala?
(You are with Gunfosys… Will they consider this project during campus interview)
Narender: Konjam porumaya iruda… Nee ethuvum panna ven…
(Wait dude… You need not do anyth…)
Junior: (Interrupting) Aana naan implant training ethuvum pannalaye?!
(But I haven’t done any implant training)
I disconnected the call and took a tablet of anacin. Ever since I joined Gunfosys I always used to carry a couple of anacin tablets wherever I go.
My headache subsided. Peace returned in sometime. As I was about to leave the food court, my mobile rang again. It was Vidya.
Vidya: Hey dear! My sister Rubini Priya is returning from onsite!
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART III
Narender: Oh! That’s great dear! :):):)
Vidya: She is also working in your office only!
Athaan unga amma vathi vachittale!
(Of course! That’s what your mother said!)
Narender: Oh! Is it?! Great! Can you give me her number?
Vidya: Sorry dear! She doesn’t talk much with guys!
Number kodukka mudiyaathuna ‘mudiyaathu’nu sollu. Yen entha ponnume innoru ponnu number ah kodukkave maatraa?
(If you can’t give her number say ‘I can’t give’. Why doesn’t any girl give another girl’s number?)
Cha! Kadala podalaamnu number kettane! Miss aagiduche!
(Oops! I thought of flirting for some time! Missed it! )
Narender: Oh! OK dear! No problem! I asked for emergency purpose only! Don’t mistake me.
Vidya: (To herself) Dei kedi! Nee emergency ku number kekkura aala? Unna pathi enakku theriyaathu? Kadala podurathukku eppadi alaiyuraan paaru! (To me) It’s OK dear. I will never mistake you!
(You moron! Are you the sort of person who asks number for emergency? Don’t I know about you? Look how eager he is to flirt with another girl!)
I received another call.
Narender: Hey dear! I am getting another call. Will talk to you later! Bye!
Vidya: Bye dear!
I prayed it should not be my PM. I saw my mobile. It was my PM.
Narender: Hello.
PM: Can you come over to my cubicle?
Narender: Sure. In another five minutes.
I reached his cubicle after 20 minutes.
Narender: Kut Maarning Oppicer!
PM: Narender! We will have your appraisal this evening. Before that, I want to tell you, you are going to be working on PMA project.
Narender: Oh! What happened to the Project I was working on so far?
PM: The clients don’t think the application will be used by them.
Idha thaan naan project aarambikkurathukku munnadiye sonnane!
(This is what I told even before the start of the project!)
Narender: Oh!
PM: Un kooda Praveen iruppane! Bayangarama hard work pannuvaane! Enga avan?
(Where is Praveen? He used to be with you. Very hard working fellow!)
Narender: Avan varala oppicer!
(He hasn’t come sir!)
PM: Oh! Rombave hard work pannuvaan illa?
(Oh! He will work terribly hard right?)
Narender: Aamanga oppicer!
(Yes sir!)
PM: Innikki namma intranet homepage la avan photo vanthirukkanume!
(Today, his photo should have come in our intranet homepage!)
Narender: Innikki intranet homepage la avan photo vanthuchaanu theriyala! Aana nethu Hindu newspaper obituary column la avan photo vanthuchi…
(I don’t know whether his photo has appeared in our intranet’s homepage today! But it has appeared in yesterday’s Hindu newspaper in the obituary column…)
PM: Hey! What are you telling man! Avan sethuttaana?
(You mean he is dead?)
Narender: Aamanga oppicer!
(Yes sir!)
PM: Oh God! This is serious man! Innikki avan project la deployment irukke!
(But his project has one deployment today!)
Gounder: Vadakkapatti Raamasaamy sethu poitaanda!
(Vadakkapatti Ramasaamy is dead!)
Senthil: Raamaasaamy ah! Avaru ungalukku panam kodukkanume!
(But he owes you money!)
Gounder: Tha!… Sethu poittaandanguren!
(I am telling he is dead!)
Narender: Ayyo paavame!
(Oh God!)
PM: Cha! Nalla work pannathukku avanukku client kitta irundhu appreciation mail kooda vandhuchi pa!
(Gosh! He even got appreciation mail from the client due to his hard work!)
Narender: Appreciation mail mattum varala… BP, diabetes, ulcer, appendicitis nu innum nerayave vandhuchi…
(Not only appreciation mail… He even got other things like BP, diabetes, ulcer, appendicitis…)
PM: Seri atha vidu. You will work with one Ms. Rubini Priya henceforth. She was actually transferred from another unit.
(OK. Leave it.)
Narender: Rubini Priya?!.
PM: Yeah. I will send a mail regarding this. You can go now.
I went back to my cubicle. Just as I sat down and unlocked my desktop, my PM pinged me.
PM: Hey, what is the status of the project?
Status ah?! Project la pottu rendu nimisham kooda aagalaye!
(Status?! Not even two minutes have passed since I was included into the project!)
PM: Contact Rubini Priya and start working on it!
Rubini Priya! Yaar ava? Eppadi iruppa? Yenna designation? SE ah? SSE ah? TL ah? TA va?
(Who is this Rubini Priya? How will she look? What’s her designation? SE? SSE? TL? TA?)
I received an email from my PM sent to me, Rubini Priya and others concerned in my project.
On checking the properties of her contact, I discovered she too was an SE. I pinged her.
Narender: Hi :) (Smiley included)
Rubini: hi (Smiley missing)
Narender: We will be working together on PMA project. Our TL is in Bangalore.
Rubini: o i c (Note the shortened form of words)
Narender: Did you read the email sent by our PM regarding this?
Rubini: s i red
Appuram enna thenaavattu irundha ‘We will be working together on PMA project’nu sollumpothu ‘o i c’nu solli iruppa?
(Then why the hell did you say, ‘o i c’ when I said ‘We will be working together on PMA project’?)
Narender: I heard you returned from Australia and were transferred to our unit.
Rubini: :)
When all a girl enters in the communicator window is a single ‘:)’, it means ‘Pesurathukku vera onnum illa. Poi velaya paar’
(I have nothing to talk with you, go do your job!)
Then I received an email from Anil, my TL in Bangalore. All members of the project were to be on the conference that afternoon.
Narender: We have a call this afternoon.
Rubini: hmmm
Narender: Shall we go for lunch together?
Rubini: hmmm k
Enna odane othukuttaa? Anyway I was terribly excited and pinged my friends to say that I won’t be joining them for lunch.
(How come she agreed immediately?)
Narender: I have work. I won’t be coming for lunch.
Gubendra has been added to the conversation.
Abhishek has been added to the conversation.
Rakesh has been added to the conversation.
Naveen has been added to the conversation.
Jatin has been added to the conversation.
Abhishek: Endha ponnoda da kadala poda pora?
(With which girl are you going to flirt now?)
Narender: Dei. Kadala ellam podala da. Unmayilaye vela irukku.
(Hey no! I am not going to flirt. Really I have work!)
Naveen: Enna vela?
(What work?)
Narender: Oru periya bug da. Ippo thaan paathen.
(A big bug. I discovered just now.)
Rakesh: Ippo thaan oru puthu project la pottathaa kelvi patten? Athukulla bug ah?
(I heard you were just transferred to a new project? So soon you had a bug?)
Narender: Pazhaya project la bug da.
(No. Bug in my old project)
Gubendra: Seri ethana manikku saappuda pova?
(OK. At what time will you go for lunch?)
Narender: Athu… Oru 2 o’clock aagidum
(That… will be around 2 o’clock)
Jatin: Parava illa… Naanga wait pannrom… Nee bug ah solve pannitte vaa.
(It’s OK. We will wait. You solve the bug and come)
Enna wait pannuromnu sollraan? Eppadiyaavathu kazhandukanume!
(What? He says they will wait?! Somehow I should slip away!)
After a lot of compulsion, they agreed to leave for lunch. Just then Rubini pinged me.
Rubini: hey sry yaar… hv lots of wrk… cant cum fr lunch…
Adi paavi! Ammavukku ponnu thappaama poranthirukkale! Ippadi kuttaya kozhappi vittuttu poitaale!
(You horrible woman! Like mother, like daughter! Now you have just ensured my doom!)
I silently got away to have lunch on my own. Without being detected I entered one of the lifts and reached the ground floor. The lift opened. The other lift opened too. My friends came out of that lift and gave me a ‘Figure kazhatti vittuducha?’ look.
(Friends gave me a ‘Did the girl double cross you!’ look)
Nobody spoke for some time.
Gubendra: Naren… Etho bug irukkunu sonniye da?
(You said there was some bug?)
Narender: Athu vanthu…
(That was…)
Naveen: (Interrupting) Athukulla solve pannitiya machi?
(You solved it so soon dude?)
Narender: Actual ah…
(Actually…)
Rakesh: (Interrupting) Oru nimishathula solve pannitiya da? Really great da. You should get on the spot award man!
Enda yeriyura neruppula yennaya oothura?
(Why are you adding fuel to the fire dude?)
Narender: Seri neenga ellam endha FC poreenga?
(OK. Which FC are you guys going to?)
Abhishek: Nee endha FC pora?
(Which FC are you going to?)
Usually we all go to FC1 for lunch.
Narender: Naan FC2 poren da!
(I am going to FC2!)
Jatin: Scene da! Naangalum FC2 thaan porum!
(Great! We are also going to FC2 only!)
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART IV
I returned to my cubicle after lunch. Saappidumpothu evvalavu avamaanangal!
I saw that she was still online. I pinged her.
Narender: Hi. I just had my lunch.
Rubini: hmmm me 2
‘me 2’ ah? Adiye! Unna ellaam….
(Eh? You should be…)
Narender: You said you had work?
Rubini: no yaar… it ws a smal issue… solvd it soon…
Pinna endi ‘hv lots of wrk’ nu sonna?
(Then why the hell did you say, ‘hv lots of wrk’?)
Narender: Oh! You said lots of work :)
Rubini: lolz :)
‘lolz:)’ ah? Poyi, B4 4th floor la irundhu keezha guthi!
(Go jump from B4 4th floor!)
Narender: Fine.
Rubini: srry yaar… don mistake me… v vil go nxt time fr sure…
Aaaniye pudinga venaam!
(No need to do anything!)
Narender: Sure :) Can you come over here. We need to join the conference now. It would be good if we are together when talking to the Bangalore team.
Rubini: hmmm k
I gave her my cubicle details. She came after a few minutes.
Well. I wouldn’t say she was beautiful. But kind of OK.
After brief introductions, I connected to the bridge. Noise was heard now and then.
(Voice1): …lekin hum nahin…
(Voice2): ...abhi bhi ham karenge…
(Voice1): Jo sab kar rahe Khonference mein…
Ennada hindi padam title aah viduraanunga?!
(Why these guys are giving titles of hindi movies?)
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
(Voice1): Vaibhav ek minute… Narendhra? Who else do we have on the khaal?
Narender: Rubini… From Chennai. Is this Anil from Bangalore?
(Voice1): Yeah. I have Vaibhav with me. So Narendhra…
Narender: It’s Narender Anil (fake laughter)
Anil: OKhay Narendhra…
Gounder: Pushpam!
Senthil: Puipam!
Their lines got disrupted. Obviously they were north Indians posted in Bangalore. I and Rubini were still on the call.
Voices were heard again.
(Voice1): … lethu raa…
(Voice2): …avunu. Ikkada…
(Voice1): …Conference lu who elsu?
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
(Voice1): Okka nimisham Raju… Hey Narendhar!
Narender: Hi. May I know who I am speaking to?
(Voice1): This is Venkata Ramulu and Vemulapalli Raju…
Narender: Oh! Are you from Hyderabad team?
Ramulu: No… We are from Trivandrum team.
OK. So they were people from Andhra Pradesh posted in Trivandrum. I always used to wonder why this mismatch happens. At this rate a Kerala guy would have been posted at Pune.
Raju: Our Team Lead will join us from Pune. But he is actually from Kerala only.
Nobody else was there, so I decided to take the conversation a little further.
Narender: Oh fine. Your name is Venkata Ramulu. Right?
Now that was a mistake.
Ramulu: No. Actually my name is Chandamalla Kotla Vempati Tulabandu Alluri Gaddam Yandamuri Srivatsa Venkatapathy Srinivasa Venkata Ramulu
Sabaa… Ippave kanna kattuthe! Ration card la irukkura pera ellam concatenate panni peru vachitaangalo?
(Oh! My head is swooning! Could it be possible that his name was the result of concatenation operation between all the names in his family’s ration card?)
Narender: Oh! Is there a short form for your name?
Ramulu: Actually, what I told you was the short form. The full name is Chandamalla Srigiri…
I asked Rubini to take over and went to the food court to have some strong coffee. With Anacin.
Ten minutes later, I returned to my cubicle.
Ramulu: ... Vanapalli Yellapragada Venkata Ramulu.
Appaada! What a relief!
(Gosh! What a relief!)
Raju: My full name is…
Dei venaamda!...
(Dude! No…)
Luckily, their lines got disrupted. There was a voice again. Looked like it was the Keralite from Pune.
(Voice): This is James Mariam Thomas (Read James Merriam Tho-mas) from Pune. Who are in the kone-ference?
Dei… Enthana thadava da intro kodukkurathu… Naan Narender… Ithu Rubini… Inimel yaaravathu ketta evana irundhaalum vettuven!
(How many times should I give intro? I am Narender. This is Rubini. Henceforth I will kill no matter whoever it is!)
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
Thomas: Hello… Hi Nyarender and Reubini. Can we get started with the koll?
Narender: Sure Tho-mas… I mean Thomas…
Thomas: O-ver client is from O-stralia… Theyar O-peration is kome-pletely…
Soon teams from Bangalore and Trivandrum joined the kone-ference… I mean conference… By the end of the call, I took 3 Anacin tablets.
Just then my PM pinged me.
PM: Come here. We will have your appraisal now.
I went to his cubicle.
Narender: Sollunga oppicer!
(Tell me!)
PM: Namma SinCity INK la Gunfosys ah kalaichu story ezhuthariyame?
(I heard you are writing a story in SinCity INK mocking Gunfosys?)
Narender: Appadi ellaam illeengo!
(Nothing like that!)
PM: Hmmm… Irukkattum. Coming to your appraisal, I am going to give you CRR4
(OK. Let it be)
Narender: (laughing in Suriyan Gounder style) He he he :) So sad!
PM: Yennu kekka maattiya?
(Won’t you ask why?)
Narender: Yennu ketta mattum CRR1+ koduthuda poreengala?
(Will you give me CRR1+ if I ask you why?)
PM: Therinjikko… You have just met the expectations.
(Know it.)
Narender: Nalla vishayam thaana! Vera enna seyyanum?
(That’s good. What else should be done?)
PM: You should have exceeded the expectation.
Narender: Unga expectation ah exceed pannanumnu expect pannureengala? Appo rendu expectations ah yum sethu orey expectation ah club pannunga… Naan unga expectation ah meet pannuren…
(Do you expect your expectation to be exceeded? Then club both expectations into a single one… I will meet them…)
PM: Why didn’t you attend the meeting last week?
Narender: Pannaathathaala companyku ethavathu loss ah?
(Did the company face a loss due to my absence?)
PM: Nonsense! Our unit head came all the way from Chandigarh.
Narender: Enna paakkurathukkaagava Chandigarh la irundhu vandhaanga? Naan onnum andha alavukku periya aalu illaye!
(Did she come all the way from Chandigarh to see me? I am not such an important person!)
PM: Stop it! Avanga onnum unna paakka varala!
(She didn’t come to see you!)
Narender: Pinna naan vandha enna? Varalana enna?
(Then did my presence really matter?)
PM: You had 12 single swipes last month.
Narender: (laughing in Suriyan Gounder style again) Namma company swiping machines ah pathi therinje ippadi kekkureengale!
(Why are you asking this question knowing very well about our company’s swiping machines)
PM: Look it this mail! There was an escalation in your last project!
Narender: Nalla paarunga… Athu naan project la join pannurathukku oru vaaram munnadi vandha escalation mail.
(Look carefully… The escalation mail was dated a week before I joined the project)
PM: You have attitude problem.
Narender: Ethavachi appadi sollureenga?
(On what basis are you saying so?)
PM: You are questioning me. That’s an attitude problem.
Narender: Naan eppo ungala question pannen?
(When did I question you?)
PM: You are questioning me again.
Narender: Sorrynga oppicer!
PM: Paper…
Narender: Innum konja naal la pottruven… Unga kitta yaar athukullayum sonna?
(Will resign in another few days… Who told you so soon?...)
PM: Nonsense! Have you published any white paper?
Narender: Verum white paper ah eppadi publish panna mudiyum? Appadiye publish pannalum evan vaanguvaan? Bhaarathamaathaave! So sorry!
(How can someone publish a white paper? Even if published, who will buy it? Dear India! I am very sorry!)
PM: Hey you! I meant white paper. Proven solution to a specific problem.
Narender: Enkitta yaarum vanthu, ‘I have a problem. Give me a solution’nu kekkalaye?
(No one has ever approached me to give solution to a problem)
PM: Extra effort pottu pannanum.
(You should put extra effort)
Narender: Extra effort pottaa extra sambalam tharuveengala?
(Will I be given extra salary if I put extra effort?)
PM: Why are you starting by 5:00 o’ clock?
Narender: Yenna ella bussum 5:05 kulla full aagiduthey!
(Because busses are getting full by 5:05PM itself)
PM: Athilla man! You can stay back and work right?
(Not that!)
Narender: Naan en velaya 5 o’clock kullaye mudichidurane!
(I am finishing my job before 5 o’clock )
PM: You should help with the migration of your application.
Narender: Naan application development team la thaana irukken. Migration team la illave illaye!
(I am with application development team only. I am not with the migration team.)
PM: You should take responsibility. We are working as a team.
Narender: Oh! Appo neengalum responsibility ah konjam share panni 5 o’clock mela stay pannunga. Onnave 10 o’clock cab la polam!
(Oh1 Then you also have your share of the responsibility and stay back after 5 o’clock. We will start in 10 o’clock cab together)
PM: Get out!
I came out happily. This time my PM took Anacin tablets.
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART V
When I came out I found one of my colleagues standing near as if waiting to console me. He got CRR1+ and it was very evident from the smile on his face that stretched from ear to ear.
Colleague: Feel pannatha machi!
(Don’t feel dude!)
Narender: Naan feel pannave illaye!
(I never felt bad in the first place!)
Colleague: Unakku yen CRR4 vanthuchi theriyuma?
(Do you know why you got CRR4?)
Narender: Yenna enakku vara vendia CRR1+ endha tiffan box thalayanukko poiduchi… Avan mattum en kaila kedaikkattum… Aama unakku avan yaar nu theriyuma? Therinja sollu…
(Because my CRR1+ went to another person… I wish to blast him… Do you know who he is? If so tell me…)
Colleague: (Gulps)
Narender: Seri… Yenna kaaranamnu nee nenaikkura?
(OK. What do you think is the reason?)
Colleague: Nee daily 5:20 bus la pora illa? Athaan unakku CRR4 kedachuchi!
(You are starting by 5:20 bus right? That’s why you got CRR4!)
Man outside temple: Thevaya unakku! Elani anju roobaikku vitha illa? Athaan unakku kushtam pudichiruchi!
(You deserve it! You sold tender coconut for 5 rupees right? That’s why you got leprosy!)
Gounder: Dei! Elani anju roobaikku vithaa kushtam pudikkumaa? Appo black la arisi vikkuravan, javuli vikkuravan, governmenttu sotha yemathi thinguraven, ivanukkellam ennada pudikkum? Ettanaa poda vakkilaadha nai law pesudhu paaru!
(So a person gets leprosy if he sells tender coconut for 5 rupees? Then what about people who sell goods in black and cheat the government?!)
That evening, when I reached home, I found a guest waiting for my arrival. Once again it was Vidya’s mother.
She was bandaged on her head. I really felt sad for her. I wanted to wish her a speedy recovery.
Narender: Aunty, I wish you a speedy recov…
Guest: (Interrupting) Indhappa… Chocolate eduthukko…
(Here… Take chocolate…)
Narender: Enna vishesham aunty?
(What’s the occasion aunty?)
Guest: Vishesham ellam onnumilla pa! Priya onsite la irundhu vanthuttaa! Ava vaangikittu vanthaa!
(No special occasion… Priya has returned from onsite... She bought them!)
Narender: Oh! Thanks aunty!
Cha! Ivangala poi thappa nenachittome!
(Oh God! I mistook this kind lady!)
Perhaps she wasn’t that bad after all. I was about to have one bite of the chocolate.
Guest: Munna pinna foreign chocolate saaptu irukkiya pa?
(Have you ever had foreign chocolate before?)
Oye! Nee innum thirundhalaya?!
(Oh! So you haven’t changed yet!)
I tried to change the subject.
Narender: Rotla traffic romba jaasthi aunty… Athaan konjam late ah…
(There was heavy traffic in road aunty… That’s why late…)
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam (referring to Australia) traffic eh irukkaathaampa! Priya sonna!
(There in Australia there won’t be any traffic it seems! Priya told!)
Narender: Veyyil vera ippo bayangaramaa…
(Summer is on the rise…)
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam climate romba cold ah irukkumaampa! Priya sonna!
(There the climate will be very cold it seems! Priya told!)
Narender: Nethu shopping malla….
(In shopping mall yesterday…)
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam shopping malls vithiyaasama irukkumaampa! Priya sonna!
(There shopping malls will be very different it seems! Priya told!)
I didn’t talk further and switched on the television. There was a mega serial running.
Guest: Paarupa! Ivlov thooram avamaanappattum avan, avanoda kudumbathukku help panraan paaru!
(Look! Even after being tortured by his family, this guy is helping them instead!)
Narender: Yaaru aunty?
(Who aunty?)
Guest: (Points to a guy in tv) Avan thaampa!
(He only!)
Narender: Enna panrathu aunty! Sila janmangal evlov thaan adi vaangunaalum thiruntha maatraangale!
(What to do aunty? Some people don’t learn anything from their mistakes!)
She became silent for some time.
Guest: (Pointingexcitedly to a girl in the serial) Iva ivlov maasama enga poi irundhaa?
(Where did she go for such a long time?)
Narender: Yaaru aunty ava?
(Who is she?)
Guest: Iva thaampa villi oda ponnu! Ivanga amma romba kettava!
(She is the daughter of the antagonist woman! Her mother is terribly evil!)
Narender: Appo oru vela onsite poi iruppaalo?
(In that case, could it be possible she went onsite?)
She was silent again for a long time. This time I could see her face twitching for revenge.
Guest: Athillapa! Aaru maasam munnadi vantha oru episode la iva kaanaama poittaa!
(No! All of a sudden, she disappeared from one episode six months back!)
Narender: Aaru maasam munnadi vantha episode ah correct ah nyabagam vachirukkeengale! Great aunty!
(Are you able to correctly remember an episode you watched six months back?)
Guest: (Smiling) Romba thanks pa!
Narender: Aana indha ariva neenga padippula kaatti irundheenganna innikku oru doctoraavo, collectoraavo aagirukkalaame?
(But had you used your memory power in studies, you would have become a doctor or a collector by this time!)
She took the remaining chocolates that were in a zipper bag and moved towards the door.
Narender: Enna aunty! Athukkulla kelambiteenga?
(Why are you starting so soon?)
Guest: Illapa! Innoruthar veettukku poganum…
(No! I need to visit another house!)
Narender: Yaar veettukku aunty?
(Which house?)
Guest: Sundaram sir veettukku pa!
(Mr. Sundaram’s residence!)
Narender: Avanga paiyyan Ashok nethu thaan Americavula irundhu vandhaan aunty! Enga veettukku chocolate eduthukuttu vandhu romba neram mokka pottaan! ‘Amerikkavula traffic eh irukkadhu… Amerikkavula climate romba cold ah irukkum… Amerikkavula shopping malls vithiyaasama irukkum’nu solli saavadichaan! Ivangalukkellam arive kedayaatha? Oruthar veettukku pona eppadi pesanomnu theriyaatha? Neengale sollunga aunty!
(His son Ashok returned from America yesterday! He came to give some chocolates and kept lecturing, ‘America is traffic free! American climate will be very cold! American shopping malls are different’ etc. and tortured me! Don’t these folks have some other job? Don’t they know how to conduct themselves when visiting other families? You tell me aunty!)
She slammed the door and left without a word.
My mobile rang. It was an unknown number. I picked it up.
(Voice): Hi na. Naan Ramesh. Unga junior. Gunfosys thaan en dream company… Eppadiyaavathu…
(Hi bro! This is Ramesh! Your junior. Gunfosys in my dream company. Somehow I should…)
I disconnected the call.
Dream company! Dream company! Dream company!
My memories took me three years back.
****************************************
(Voice1): Dei maapla! Indha question ah paarra! ‘Train A is moving at the speed of 268 Kmph. Train B is moving at the speed of 129 Kmph. If a person travels in train A for 53 minutes and then in train B for 187 minutes what is the…’
(Dude! Look at this question…)
(Voice2): (Interrupting) Dei problem ethuvaa irundhaalum firsttu irukkura units ellaathayum common unit ku convert pannanumda. Ippo nee…
(Dude! No matter whatever the problem is, you should first convert all units to a common unit… Now you…)
(Voice3): (Interrupting) Ippadi ellaam question kekka maattanunga da… Inga paar oru SMS vandhirukku… Ippadi thaan keppaanga… ‘Gunfy aptitude question: I am an 8 lettered word. My first 3 letters form an animal. My 6th and 7th letters are the same. My 4th, 5th and 6th letters are…’
(They won’t ask like this! See this SMS here… This is how they will ask…)
(Voice4): (Interrupting) Machi! Nee anga pesurathula thaanda irukku… Un confidence ah mattum thaan paappaanga! Athanaala nee…
(Dude! It all depends on how you talk there! Your confidence alone matters! So you…)
2008 – Placement season.
(Voice1): Dei Narender enga da?
(Where is Narender?)
(Voice2): Avan oru mukkiyamaana matter aah senior oda phone pesikittirukkaanda!
(He is talking to a senior on some important matter!)
A guy wearing round neck t-shirt and boot cut jeans was standing near the corner of the already crowded hostel room, talking to his senior over phone. That was me, three years back.
Narender: (Interrupting) But friends ellam ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With XML Utilization’ la pannu nu sollraanga!
(Friends are suggesting another project on ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With XML Utilization’)
Senior: Venaam da! Naan erkanave nonthu poi irukken!
(No dude… I am already very much disturbed…)
Narender: (Interrupting) Neenga thaan Gunfosys la vela seyyureengale… Campus la indha project pannen nu sonna consider pannuvaangala?
(You are with Gunfosys… Will they consider this project during campus interview)
Senior: Konjam porumaya iruda… Nee ethuvum panna ven…
(Wait dude… You need not do anyth…)
Narender: (Interrupting) Aana naan implant training ethuvum pannalaye?!
(But I haven’t done any implant training)
The line was disconnected.
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART VI
Professor: Narender! Next chapter nee seminar edukkuriya?
(Narender! Will you take seminar on the next chapter?)
Narender: Yen ungalukku andhaa chapter puriyaliya?
(Why didn’t you understand it?)
Professor: Dei! Yegathaalam pesaathadaa! Wilson Friedman book ah padichi adutha chapter seminar edu!
(Don’t talk back! Use Wilson Friedman book and take seminar on the next chapter!)
Narender: Neengale local author book ah padichi thaana class edukkureenga! Naan mattum yen foreign author book ah padikkanum?
(You are using local author book to take class! Why should I use foreign author book then?)
Professor: Indha subject romba kashtam! Purinjiko!
(This subject is very difficult! Please understand!)
Narender: Indha subject romba kashtam! Athanaan puriya mattenguthu!
(This subject is very difficult! That’s why I couldn’t understand!)
Professor: Idhulaa pass aanavanga rombaa kammi!
(The pass percent for this subject is very less!)
Narender: Yen? Neenga eduthathunaalaya?
(Why? Is it because you handled it?)
Professor: Venaamda! Yen vayitherichala kottikkatha! Nallaave irukka maatta!
(Don’t upset me! You won’t be happy!)
Narender: Yezhuvathu per vayitherichala kottikittu neengale nalla irukkumpothu unga oruthar vayitherichala kottikittu naan nallaa irukka mattana?
(When you are happy even after upsetting seventy people, I will be happy by upsetting you alone!)
Professor: Yenda ippadi oora suthura?
(Why are you roaming around the city?)
Narender: City la irundhu 50 Km thalli college ah kattna oora suthikittu thaan varanum!
(When the college is built 50 Km from the city I should roam around it to reach here!)
Professor: Un notes ah kaatra!
(Show me your notes!)
Narender: Purse la ippo sillara mattum thaan irukku! Notes ethuvum illa! Naan venumna ATM la poi konjam eduthukuttu vanthu kattatta?
(Right now my purse has only coins! If you permit I will get some notes from an ATM and show you!)
Professor: Pona test la nee ezhuthuna answer ellame thappu!
(The answers you wrote in the last test were all wrong!)
Narender: Pona testukku naan absent aache?
(I was absent for the last test!)
Professor: Ivlov mattamaana student ah naan paathathe illa!
(I have never seen such a disgusting student so far!)
Narender: Naanum ivlov mattamaana…
(I too have never seen such a disgusting…)
Professor: Dei!
Narender: Subject ah paathathe illanu solla vanthen!
(…subject so far!)
Professor: Pasanga ellaam groupaa…
(When guys form a group…)
Narender: Beer adikka koodathu nu sollreengala?
(They shouldn’t drink beer. Is that your point)
Professor: Dei!... Group ah padikkumpothu neeyum senthu padikkalaam illa?
(When they form a group to study, why can’t you join them?)
Narender: Padicha parava illaye… Beer adichaa?!
(If they study, then OK… But if they drink beer?!)
Professor: Ponnungale indha kaalathula…
(Even girls these days…)
Narender: Beer adikkuraangala? Cha! Enakkum kashtamaa thaan irukku…
(Are drinking beer right?... Even I am worried about it!)
Professor: Sathamaa pesaathada! Veliya HOD irukkaru! Kettura poraaru!
(Don’t shout… HOD is outside…)
Narender: HOD kettaa avarukkum oru peg ootha vendiyathuthaan!
(We will give a peg to him too!)
Professor: Dei!... Naan un professor da!
(I am your professor!)
Narender: Sorry sir! Firstu ungalukku! Appuram thaan HODku!
(Oh! Then first peg is for you! Second peg is for HOD!)
Professor: Dei!… Ponnungale indha kaalathula nallaa padikkuraangada!
(Even girls are studying well these days!)
Narender: Enna pannurathu… Kaalam kettu kedakku!
(What to do! These days terrible things happen!)
Professor: Namma class Anitha va paaruda!
(Look at Anitha of our class!)
Narender: Paakkura alavukku ava avlov nallaa illaye! Venumna ava pakkathula irukkura Aishwaryava pakkurane!
(She is not worthy to look at! If you want, I will look at Aishwarya who sits next to her!)
Professor: Dei!... Anitha evlov kashtappattu padikkuraa paaruda!
(Look how much effort she puts to read!)
Narender: Kannadi pottaa ellam sariya podium!
(She can put less effort if she wears a pair of specs!)
Professor: Arrear vizhuntha ennadaa pannuva?
(What will you do if you have an arrear?)
Narender: Re-evaluationukku apply pannuven!
(I will apply for re-evaluation!)
Professor: Idhu epperpatta college theriyuma?
(Do you know about this college?)
Narender: Ippo theriyum… Aana join pannurathukku munnadi theriyaathu! Therinjirunthaa naan join pannirukkave matten!
(I know now! But not before I joined! Had I known it by then, I wouldn’t have joined here at all!)
Professor: Manasu valikkuthu!
(My heart pains!)
Narender: Enakku kaathu valikkuthu!
(My ear pains!)
Professor: Ippadi pesurathukku unakku vekkamaa illa?
(Aren’t you ashamed to talk like this?)
Narender: Vekkamaa illa! Aana tired ah irukku! Naalikki continue pannuvoma?!
(No! But I am tired! Can we continue this talk tomorrow?!)
Professor: Naan innikki class edukka porathu illa!
(I won’t take class today!)
Narender: Yen ivlov neram pesunathula mug adicha notes maranthu pocha?!
(Why? Is it because you forgot the points you learnt by heart?!)
Professor: Abdul Kalam porantha naaduda ithu!
(This country has given people like Abdul Kalam!)
Narender: Cha! Apperpattavar porantha athey naatla ungala maathiri sila perum porakkuraangale!
(Gosh! The same country has given people like you too!)
Professor: Ulagame oru naadaga meda…
(All the world’s a stage…)
Narender: Achacho!
(Oh!)
Professor: Athula naam ellorum nadigargal…
(In that we are all actors…)
Narender: Achacho achacho!
(Oho!)
Professor: Appadinu Shakespeare solli irukkaaru da!
(Shakespeare told so…)
Narender: Athu kooda neenga sonnathillaya? Sonthamaa ennathaan solli irukkeenga?
(Oh! Even those words not spoken by you? Have you told anything of your own?)
Professor: (To the students) Dear students! Ivan inga irukkura varaikkum ennaala class edukka mudiyaathu! Naan poren!
(I won’t take class as long as he is here! I am going!)
Beggar: Enna vaaiyya unakku?! Enna vaai?
(What a mouth you have!)
Gounder: Thol vaaida! Paatha theriyala?
(Made of skin! Can’t you see?)
Beggar: Theriyuthuyaa! Unkooda irundhaa, ennakkum picha kedaikkaathuya! Pooya! Naan poren!
(I can see that! If I am with you, I won’t get alms! Go! I am going!)
Gounder: Ov! Governmenttu job ah resign pannittu poraarraa ivarurov! (Censored)
(Oh! This fellow thinks he is resigning a government job!)
That was a small part of my flashback. The next day I was sitting with Rubini Priya in my cubicle and was discussing the project we were assigned to. We became cubicle mates.
Narender: Innikki oru mukkiyamaana mail varum! Vandha enkitta sollu!
(We will receive an important mail today! If it arrives, do inform me!)
Rubini Priya: Mukkiyamaana mail, mukkiyamillaatha mail ethu ethu nu eppadi therinjikkurathu?
(How am I to know which mail is important and which is not?)
Narender: From address la HRD irunthaale athu mukkiyamillaatha mail thaan!
(Any mail that comes from HRD is unimportant!)
Vadivelu: Mela poi theva illaatha aaniyellaam pudungu po!
(Go upstairs and remove useless nails)
Ramesh Kanna: Thevayaana aani, thevayillaatha aaninu eppadi therinjikkurathu?
(How am I to know which nails are useless?)
Vadivelu: Nee pudungurathu poorve thevayillaathathu thaan! Poi pudungu!
(Whatever you remove are useless! Go remove them!)
Rubini Priya: Appo nee enna panna pora?
(What are you going to do then?)
Narender: Nethu veettukku oru vendaathava vanthu veruppethittaa! Orey tensan! Athaan konjam rest edukkuren!
(Yesterday I had an unwelcome visitor who upset me! I am tensed! So taking some rest!)
Sometime later.
Rubini Priya: Hey oru mail vanthirukku!
(Hey one mail has arrived!)
Narender: Enna pottrukku? Padi…
(What’s in it? Read please…)
Rubini Priya: ‘Are you certified?...’
Narender: ‘I don’t give a damn’nu solli shift+delete pannu!
(Shift+delete it!)
Rubini Priya: Hey communicator la Bangalore TL status online aagiduchi!
(Bangalor TL’s communicator status has become online)
Narender: Appo un status ah away pottuttu kelambu! Poi coffee kudikkalaam!
(Then put your status in away! We will have some coffee!)
Rubini Priya: OK!
Narender: Ippo edhukku coffee mug ah edukkura?
(Why are you taking the coffee mug?)
Rubini Priya: Namma floor laye coffee machine irukke!
(We have a coffee machine in our floor!)
Narender: Oh! Appadingala!
(Oh! Is it so?)
Rubini Priya: Latte, espresso, cappuccino nu moonu button irukku!
Narender: Endha button azhuthanaalum orey liquid thaan varum!
(Same liquid pours no matter whatever button you press!)
Rubini Priya: Appo inga coffee kudikka venaamnu sollriya?
(Then do you say I shouldn’t have coffee here?)
Narender: Uyir mela aasa irukka?
(Do you wish to be alive?)
Rubini Priya: Irukku!
(Yes!)
Narender: Appo en kooda FC vaa!
(Then come with me to FC!)
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